Hey there, Seekers. Missed ya!
The message I'm sharing today has been coming up more and more in my coaching practise and can literally help everyone and anyone. It is also currently what I am in the midst of practising and healing within my life, so I'm excited to share this with you.
Let's talk boundaries...
Boundaries seem to be a hot topic these days, hey? I feel like everywhere I look in the coaching and counselling world there is tonnes of talk about boundaries. Even as you're reading this, I'm sure you're thinking about what you already know about boundaries, the ones you have, the ones you lack, how you feel your boundaries often get crossed, etc.
Simply put, boundaries are key to your health, freedom, joy and authentic self-expression. They are the clear limits / lines that separate you from others. Without them, relationships won't be as healthy and enriching as they could be, communication will lack, limiting beliefs will prevail, resentment will take over, your nervous system will run amuck, and stress will consume you.
Now, I could write a whole article on examples of boundaries, and maybe I will, but in a nutshell what we need to remember is there are 4 main ways to honour our needs/set boundaries: physically, mentally, our resources and spiritually. I think next month I will get more into these, but some examples that could fall under one, or more, of those categories are:
- saying no to something you feel you have to say yes to (but if you do it will impact you in a negative way)
-speaking up for your wants and needs
-not offering to fix other people's problems
-how much time or money you give
-amount of physical space you need
-cutting ties to a toxic family member
-putting yourself/your family first
-rescheduling things if you need to
-certain things not being up for discussion
-not being the middle person for family problems/arguments
-allotting yourself time for self-care, exercise, down-time, creative expression, time outside, etc.
Again, I could go on and on about healthy boundaries that are in our best interest, but I'm really here for is to call us out (in a loving way of course). For years and years I have heard myself and other people say, "they don't respect my boundaries", "no one listens to my needs, cares, or appreciates what I do for them", "I shouldn't have to ask", "I don't get back what I give" or "I feel guilty, so I just keeping neglecting myself and others keep using me".
Well honey, guess what? You are the ONLY person that can cross your own boundaries. If you are placing boundaries, that's great. But, in order for your boundaries to work their magic, you have to uphold them. You are the only one that can do that. That will require you disappointing and possibly even really pissing some people off. If that happens, that's your sure fire sign that your chosen boundary was needed!
We must be willing to show other people how we wish to be treated; and that comes from you setting boundaries and firmly riding them out (even if that makes others uncomfortable). When we don't blame others when we feel our boundaries are being crossed and actually assume responsibility for honouring our needs, we step out of victim mode and right into empowerment.
We are the creators of our reality, and boundaries are just one simple and effective way to live our life by our own design.
Your needs and wants are valid. Now, can you give yourself permission to create what you desire? I think you can.
If you would like to learn more about boundaries + self-empowerment so you can find more freedom and ease in you life, let's talk!